How To Text A Guy First Without Sounding Desperate Examples

Contrary to popular belief, there's nothing wrong with texting a guy first. In fact, it can have quite a few benefits! — Contrary to popular belief, there's nothing wrong with texting a guy showtime. In fact, it tin accept quite a few benefits!

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Should You Text Him First?

Imagine you went on a date with a smashing guy. He was intelligent, kind, funny, and a joy to be around. Even better, he seemed to actually like you, too! You have the proverbial butterflies and you lot tin't look to see him again as soon as you kiss and office ways. When you lot become home, you have the intense urge to text him, but you hesitate.

Should you text him first? He hasn't contacted you yet, and so texting him would seem desperate, correct? Yous don't desire to seem desperate, of grade.

Forget all of that. It's completely fine to text a guy first; in fact, it's often a great thought.

This Commodity Explores:

Eight reasons yous can (and should) text a guy kickoff.
How to text him first without sounding desperate.
When non to text him get-go.
When (and when non) to message him first on social media.
What is the "waiting game," and why is it a bad idea?
Is sending the kickoff text coming on likewise strong?

He would probably be thrilled to hear from you first, especially if he's on the shy side. — He would probably exist thrilled to hear from y'all first, especially if he'southward on the shy side.

viii Reasons to Text Him Starting time

In spite of what you may have read online or heard from friends, texting a guy first can have a lot of benefits. Here are the top eight reasons why yous tin can—and perhaps even should—text him beginning.

It will make honesty the policy right from the get-go.
You will show courage and conviction.
Your date may not exist expert at taking hints.
He might exist waiting for you to text him first.
Y'all'll take control instead of sitting idly by.
You lot'll spend less fourth dimension stressing and more time enjoying each other.
Your interest in each other won't final forever.
It can be a turn-on.

Continue scrolling for in-depth discussions of the reasons above, and accept your phone on hand for that commencement text!

one. You Are Encouraging Honesty Early On

After a date, in that location is zilch wrong with sending a guy a simple bulletin like: "Hey, I simply wanted to say that I had a adept time tonight and I hope we can do it again."

He probably feels the same fashion, and if he doesn't, then who cares? At least now you know. All your cards are on the table, and if he's a decent person, he will reply in kind by showing you all of his.

Instead of playing a guessing game, you can take the first pace to establish openness and honesty early on in the relationship.

After all, if you start out by playing silly mind games, then don't be surprised if the games go along once yous're past the dating stage. The things that you practise when you're first getting to know each other can set the tone for the residuum of your relationship.

ii. You Are Displaying Backbone and Conviction

Desire to demonstrate that you're different from other women correct off the bat? Have some social backbone, and don't be afraid to enquire for what you want. This doesn't mean that you have to be pushy or weird, just it does mean that you lot have to be upfront. It ways that you lot're not afraid to text him first if that'due south what the situation calls for.

Lots of women seem to have the erroneous belief that men will be turned off by women who are obvious and upfront. This is non true in well-nigh cases. An open up and vulnerable woman (or man, really) is hard to come by. If anything, your guy will probably be impressed.

Some guys may seem aloof, but really it's just that they don't take your hints well! — Some guys may seem aloof, just really it's just that they don't take your hints well!

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three. Your Date May Non Take Hints Well

Years ago, a girl pretended that she didn't like me because she was afraid of rejection. She acted disinterested and even went so far equally to exist kind of common cold towards me (or so it seemed to me).

Since I was bad at taking hints, I totally missed all the signs that she was into me and wanted me to make a motility. It was only weeks later, when she was honest with me most how she felt, that information technology even dawned on me that she was interested. Because she ignored me, I had idea that she really disliked me!

Some guys are but bad at taking hints, myself included. No affair how long yous wait for them to contact you lot, they may never make a move because they just think that you're non interested.

4. He Might Be Waiting for You to Text Him Starting time

Generally, I agree that a guy should text a girl first for practical reasons. Information technology's what is socially accepted, and most women are just not willing to put themselves out there similar that. More importantly, most women prefer to be led past the guys they date, not the other manner around.

Still, not all guys got the memo on this ane. For reasons of his ain, your dearest interest may be waiting for y'all to text him offset. It'due south possible that he doesn't want to carp you. Maybe he's been rejected by women in the past who accused him of being "creepy" just for showing interest.

In that location are plenty of reasons why a bully guy might be hesitant to text you first.

5. You Won't Just Be Sitting At that place Waiting for Something to Happen

Because information technology takes a certain amount of guts to show your interest upfront, many women avert doing it. They avert texting first, asking to spend more than time together, and saying the outset "I love yous."

While this tin can work out merely fine if you find a guy who has fewer social fears than you do, it means that you take given up much of the command over the progress of the relationship. Y'all're sitting there waiting for things to happen instead of making them happen.

If that's what you lot desire, and so great. But don't complain if your relationships go nowhere.

The sooner you get the initial texting out of the way, the sooner you can get to the fun stuff. — The sooner you get the initial texting out of the way, the sooner y'all can get to the fun stuff.

6. You Get to Spend Less Time Agonizing and More Time Enjoying Each Other

When yous get right downwardly to information technology, someone has to contact someone eventually to get things going.

Instead of "waiting at least three days" or, worse, sitting at that place and agonizing indefinitely about when this cool person will text you first, just pause the ice already. Life is also brusk.

seven. Romantic Interest Has a Shelf Life

It's a very unromantic matter to say, but information technology's truthful: Romantic interest in another person has a shelf life. If you delay acting on your budding feelings, things will cool down very quickly.

If both of you are avoiding texting each other first out of a fear of vulnerability, eventually y'all'll outset to forget all of the good feelings you lot felt when yous saw each other. Your addicted memories will become tepid, and both of you will start to question why you liked the other person in the starting time identify.

Then strike while the iron is hot! Don't delay things so much. If he's taking besides long to text you, then text him first and get things going.

8. Texting a Guy Get-go Tin Actually Be a Turn-On

Believe information technology or not, many guys really like information technology when girls text first. Being confident is a big turn-on, and sending the first text takes confidence! Unless you lot're sending slews of unanswered letters at a fourth dimension, consistently sending the showtime text tin can actually exist a big plow-on for guys. It shows that you lot're interested and you know what you want.

As well, for a shy guy, it can be really refreshing to accept a daughter send the commencement text. It takes a lot of pressure off of him and will instantly make him more comfortable with you.

One of the keys to not coming off as desperate is making it clear that you have a (great) life that doesn't revolve around him. — One of the keys to non coming off as desperate is making it articulate that you have a (not bad) life that doesn't revolve around him.

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How to Text a Guy Get-go Without Sounding Desperate

Don't just say "How-do-you-do." This is a pretty lackluster style to start a chat, and it's highly unlikely that it will become (or keep) his interest. Instead of texting him "hey," try to come up upwards with an opener that volition actually create the possibility of a practiced dorsum-and-forth.
Show him y'all have a life. Sending a subtle reminder that y'all've got a life (and an awesome ane, at that) is never a bad thought. For case, transport a movie from a concert you went to or a repast yous think he'd like and so that he knows you lot're thinking of him without just waiting around for him. Plus, this will open the door for you two to have a real dialogue.
Use emojis sparingly. Using an emoji here and there can be beautiful, simply be conscientious non to overload your texts with them. They'll take away from what you're proverb and brand yous seem incapable of expressing yourself without them.
Don't send a bunch of texts in a row. If you've already sent this guy a text (or two), resist the urge to send whatsoever more than until you hear back. He might just be decorated at work or with his friends, and picking up his telephone to see 15 messages from you lot is non going to come off as sweetness.
Mind your grammar. Another thing that doesn't come up off as cute? Texting like a tween. Avert abbreviating words and overusing acronyms. In short, ditch texts like "C u l8r" and "R u costless 2nite?" in favor of correct spelling and punctuation.
Keep it brief(ish). There'south no need to bombard your guy with a text essay correct out of the gate. Keep it to a few lines, at near.

While most of the time, texting him first is a great idea, there are certain times when it should absolutely be avoided. — While most of the time, texting him showtime is a keen idea, in that location are certain times when it should admittedly be avoided.

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When Not to Text Him Offset

In most situations, sending the showtime text is totally fine, but there are a few times yous should avoid it.

When you're drunkard. Though it can be incredibly tempting to text your electric current cutie when you lot've been drinking, information technology usually isn't a very good idea. Certain, if you've been dating for a while and are in a committed relationship, it can come off as cute, but if you lot've only just started hanging out, it can lead to some pretty regrettable texts.
When yous're upset. If you lot're upset with your guy, it's a skillful thought to give yourself some time to cool off before reaching out. If you don't, you might say something you don't really mean. Besides, dealing with issues face-to-face, or at least over the phone, is usually a much better thought than doing and so over text. The absenteeism of intonation, pauses, and volume just make it too difficult to effigy out what the other person is really trying to say.
When you've already texted him. If you've already sent a couple of texts and had them go unanswered, do not text once again, especially to bank check if he's gotten your other messages. This volition come off as needy and annoying. Whether he's just too busy to answer correct then or he'due south lost interest and decided to ghost you, sending bulletin after message is sure to irritate him.
When you lot know he's with friends. If you know he'southward hanging out with his buds, avoid texting him. Give him the chance to engage with his friends without pressuring him to interact with you via text at the same time. If he likes you lot, he'll shoot you lot a text afterward, and not bothering him when you know he'south busy will bear witness him that you aren't needy.
When he knows yous're with friends. In the aforementioned vein, don't text him when he knows you lot're hanging out with friends (honestly, avoid doing this even if he doesn't know—just bask spending time with your pals!). This volition show him that your life doesn't revolve around him.
When yous don't really have anything to say. While the occasional "hey" isn't a crime, it'south by and large a good idea to avoid texting him kickoff if that's all you have to say. Information technology does aught to foster a conversation, and it won't make you stand out from the crowd.
When your engagement but ended v minutes ago. While it's a sweet idea to send a follow-up text after a groovy date, information technology'southward good to give the guy a little breathing room first. Wait for an hour or so (or even until the next 24-hour interval) so that both of y'all tin process the date. He might even text you in the interim!

Near of the advice above applies to social media as well, but hither are a few extra examples of when and when not to message him first via Instagram, Snapchat, or any other platform you two use.


DO Message Him If	DON'T Bulletin Him If
You oasis't talked in a while and you lot desire to run into if he's free to hang.	You already sent him a Snap and DM'd him on IG.
He merely posted a pic from somewhere you've been or would love to become.	All you take to say is you desire to be wherever he is.
He asks for recommendations most what to read or watch next.	You lot take nothing to recommend because you've been likewise decorated peeping his accounts to practice anything else.

Though it can be tempting to play the waiting game—he waited three hours to respond, so I will too—it's not going to help either of you in the long run. — Though it tin can be tempting to play the waiting game—he waited three hours to respond, so I volition besides—it'southward not going to assistance either of y'all in the long run.

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What Is the "Waiting Game," and Why Is Information technology a Bad Idea?

Common online (and in-person) advice encourages women to be kind of passive when it comes to the "texting game." It usually tells them to wait a few days or simply not text a guy until he texts first. Another bit of prevalent (and inane) advice recommends waiting earlier responding to texts. Merely because he didn't text you back for a few hours doesn't mean you lot need to wait for the same corporeality of time before yous respond.

Well, gauge what? The advice for guys is the same! Go online and have a look effectually for dating advice geared toward males. Men are encouraged but as much as women to feign disinterest and await until the other party "chases" them.

Do you run across why there might be a problem there?

The "Waiting Game" Can Keep Two Interested People Hanging

Nosotros've turned into a order of people who are besides afraid to show involvement in each other. Both men and women might recall that they're "playing the game," just this is what's really happening:

Her: Oh my gosh, I really similar him, but I don't want to seem similar I like him likewise much. It'll brand me look bad, similar I'chiliad less of a prize. It'll brand him retrieve that other men aren't competing for my attending and that I'm drastic for him. This volition brand him not respect me. Let me merely look by the phone and pretend I'm only casually interested.

Him: Hm, she seemed really interesting and I'chiliad really attracted to her, but I don't desire to seem like I'yard ane of those guys who doesn't have other girls lined up. Women like information technology when guys deed aristocratic, right? Let me await by the telephone and see if she gets back to me first.

And this is how two people who like each other hide their real feelings instead of being upfront. Why do people feel the intense need to hide these positive feelings, though? What'due south with the paranoia about seeming "as well desperate"?

One word: ego. A human beingness will use whatever excuse to protect his or her ego from social annihilation.

Y'all can rationalize it all yous want, but at the cease of the day, you are agape of rejection. You lot don't want to look bad. Y'all don't desire to seem like y'all don't have other options. You lot don't want to build the other person up besides much by albeit that you similar them. You want the other person to view yous in a certain light more than than you want an honest connection.

Is Sending the First Text Coming On Too Strong?

At present, is in that location such a thing as coming on too strong? Of course! At that place are legitimately creepy things that you tin can practise to seem genuinely desperate—but texting a guy commencement is non one of them.

All you're doing is sending a text bulletin. It'southward non like you're climbing into his window in the heart of the night depositing rose petals all over his bed while he's sleeping. As long as you lot're not doing anything weird similar that, there are enough of great reasons why you should text him beginning.

Questions & Answers

Question: Do I need to text him first at present?

Answer: Yes, do information technology now! Quit stalling!

Source: https://pairedlife.com/dating/Should-I-Text-Him-First-7-Reasons-Why-You-Can-and-Should-Make-the-First-Move